Friday, October 15, 2010

A Lesson Learned

You're never to old to learn ( or re-learn, as the case may be) a lesson. I stuck my nose in where it didn't belong and now I'm paying for it. When you see your son or daughter being hurt, it's hard to just turn your back. I didn't say or do anything out of anger and simply stated facts, yet somehow I'm the bad guy now. I only wanted to expose the issues that were at the heart of the matter and that's exactly what I did. Not in a hateful or antagonizing manner, but as one adult communicating a problem to another. I thought that might possibly be the proper thing to do, the way to bring the situation to a resolution.

Perception is reality. The way you see things, the way a situation makes you feel....that is your reality. Whether or not the others involved see it the way you do or intended their words or actions to have the affect on you that they did, it is still your reality. And my daughter's reality had been somewhat troubled lately. I honestly believed that there was no malice intended in what was happening, that it was just a matter of them not realizing that my girl's feelings were being hurt. I doubted they understood that she has a bit of trouble putting any of her faith in the words and actions of others at times because she has been fooled so many times in the past by people who had no business abusing her trust. I thought I could help smooth things over if I got involved. I should have known better.

You see, emotions rule in this sort of situation. The others involved may say they value the truth above all other things and that putting things out in the open and being perfectly honest is the only way to handle a situation, but that holds no value when your truth isn't what they want to hear. Remember: Perception is reality. Our perception of things that had been going on for quite some time was not the same as their own, therefore we are the ones who are wrong. It doesn't matter that there truly was another way to perceive some of the things that had been happening or that their own words and actions could have been seen as something less than honest and up front due to circumstances that existed long before all this started. All that does matter is that I handed over the perception of the situation and they didn't like it because it wasn't the same as their own. They didn't want to see that another person could have an opinion different from their own or that there was good reason for it. A persona can only be fooled so many times before they become suspicious and distrustful of everyone.

The hard part for me is that I like these girls. One I have known for a while and the others I was just getting to know. They are young, just starting their families and so full of possibilities and hope for the future, just like my daughter. I wanted to see their friendships grow and deepen and for my daughter to develop the kind of relationship with them that she deserves. Because no matter who we are or at what place in our lives we may find ourselves, everyone needs trusted friends. Even if that trust takes a little more effort than usual to build.

All I can do now is live with the results. No one can possibly know how sorry I am that I ever got involved. There are very few people in this world whose opinion of me doesn't matter to me. I sincerely wish I didn't feel this way, but I do. It bothers me to know that someone doesn't like me or that perhaps I've done something to hurt someone else. I can think of only 2 people in this world whose opinions truly do not matter to me and even though they are nasty through and through, I find myself wishing from time to time that I could do something to fix the situation. And I would never purposefully do anything to hurt either of those people. I don't have that in my nature, though sometimes I find myself wishing I could be just a little more mean and a little less easily hurt.

But then... I wouldn't be me.

Guess I'll just keep living my life.

And learning my lessons.

(I've chosen this as my Pick of the Patch post for this week.
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